C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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