There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
