Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
