What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
