I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
