He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
