my shit smells like andre
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
