It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
