Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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