in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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