just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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