Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
