Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
