Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
