I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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