So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
