During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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