i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
