So drunk its hurt
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
