Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
