home. puking in laundry basket.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
