I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
