I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Vodka?
Forever.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
