Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize