Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
