honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
