So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
