it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I came so hard my ears popped.
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