We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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