ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
