I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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