I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
