I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
