you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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