he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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