Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
