just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
