life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
