My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize