I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
