Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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