how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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