allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
