You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
