I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
