Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
