The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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