Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
