About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you had me at cake vodka
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
