she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
