what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
