haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
