So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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