if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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