There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
