We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
