i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
