Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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