I feel like abortions should bother me more
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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