Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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