Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
