I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
