Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
