I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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