I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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