"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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