Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
