Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
