forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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