In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
