He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
