I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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