All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
