Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
