just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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