Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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