At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
