I'm going to jail i love you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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