Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Someone shattered a urinal.
As shirtless as possible
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
