I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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