I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
