Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
