i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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