Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
