sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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