dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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