I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
