All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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