He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
