"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
