in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
