in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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