i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
There are leaves in my underwear?
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