The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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