Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
