So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
