I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize