I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
