Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
