I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
