Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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