did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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