I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
