She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize