Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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