she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
