i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
